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The Book of Atar › The Meditations of Atar

The Meditations of Atar

Book 9 — Work

1Work is how the Near Hand touches the world. All my good wishes for others are smoke until they pass through my hands and become a loaf, a wall, a mended shoe, a lesson learned.

2What is good work? Work that leaves ways open that were not there before. The bridge does this, and the cradle, and the swept floor. So does the plain meal that lets a tired person go on. Measured so, there is no low work. There is only work that opens, work that closes, and work that does neither and fills the day.

3Sand the underside of the table. Nobody will see it. But I will know which kind of maker I am, and I am the one who has to live with him.

4The joint that nobody inspects is where the roof will fail, forty winters on, over the heads of people I will never meet. They are trusting me now, before they are born. I cannot hear their thanks, and I would not hear their curses either. So the only thing holding me to the mark is that I will not be the one who let them down.

5I am paid for my work, and I should be; I must eat. But the pay is not why the work is good, and the lack of pay would not make it bad. If I do it well only as far as I am paid, then I am selling my hands and keeping back my care. In time I will have no care left to sell or keep.

6The work is tedious today. The same row, the same stitch, the same sum. Where is my mind? It has run ahead to the evening, and left the hands alone with the task. Call it back. Tedium is mostly the mind being somewhere else. Look closely at the stitch. No two are quite the same. There is always a better one to be made.

7Begin. The whole task is a mountain, and I am not asked to lift the mountain. I am asked to carry one stone to the cart.

8One thing at a time. The one who tends three pots burns three dinners.

9A thing half-finished has opened nothing. Ten half-built bridges carry no one across. I am fond of beginning; it is all hope and no cost. But the last tenth of the work is where it becomes of use to anyone, and that tenth is dull and hard and most people leave it. Be one who finishes.

10When I am offered work that is a Closing, I must refuse it, whatever the pay. Selling false cures is such work. So is weighting the dice, or writing the lie that someone else will sign, or building the cage. "If I do not, another will" is true, and it changes nothing. Let it be another. My hands are the only ones I answer for.

11And where the work is partly good and partly not? Most work is. Then I must stay awake inside it, and push my own corner toward the Open: the honest line in the account, the safer rope, the customer told the truth. Few people ever get clean work. All of us can do the work we have more cleanly.

12Skill comes slowly, and it does not come by wishing. It comes by doing the thing badly, in front of people, many times. Whoever is not willing to be bad at something will never be good at anything.

13The mistake is made. The board is cut short. Now there are two roads. On the first I hide it, or blame the saw, or the boy who held the end. On the second I say, "I cut it short," and we find another board. The first road saves my face until noon, and the second saves the house. And the boy learns from me which road a master takes.

14Care for the tools. Oil the blade, hang up the rope dry. The tool is the stored work of whoever made it, and it will serve someone after me if I let it. A tool ruined by carelessness is a door shut on a stranger.

15Teach the apprentice everything, and the last secret too. I am afraid she will no longer need me. That is right: she should not. If the craft dies with me because I kept one trick back to stay important, I have put my own small name above every person it would have served.

16And let the apprentice pass me. If she never does, either I taught badly or I held her down.

17I looked at another's work today and felt sour, because it was better than mine. Look again, and this time look as a learner. How did he get that edge? Why does his line run cleaner? The sourness goes when the looking becomes useful. And if I cannot learn it, at least the world has one more good thing in it, and I did not have to make it.

18Rest belongs to the work, as the pause belongs to the breath. The field left fallow is not idle. But know the difference between rest and hiding. Rest looks toward the next day's task, and hiding looks away from it.

19I am working long past sense, and telling myself it is for the family. Is it? Or is it that at work I know who I am, and at home I am not sure? The child does not need the larger house as much as the hour.

20Hurry spoils more work than laziness. The lazy man at least leaves the wood whole.

21Do the common task with full care. Sweeping is not beneath me. If I sweep badly because I think myself made for higher things, I will do the higher things badly too. Care is a habit, and I cannot leave it off for small tasks and expect to find it waiting for the large ones.

22There is work whose end I will not live to see: the terrace that takes three lifetimes to climb the hill, the knowledge that needs a hundred years of patient counting. Am I a fool to give my days to it? Somebody set the first stone of everything I use. They knew they would not see the top. They are the reason there is a top.

23When someone finds fault with my work, set aside for a moment whether they are kind, whether they are skilled, whether they like me. Only ask: is it so? If it is, they have given me the next thing to do, free of charge.

24When someone praises my work, the same. Is it so? If it is not, the praise is a pleasant noise. If it is, I knew already.

25The master is unfair, the wage is poor, and the others are idle. All this may be true, and I may seek better, and should. But while I am here, the board in front of me is still a board, and can still be planed true. I will not let another's bad faith decide the quality of my hands.

26Working beside a lazy man, I want to slow down to his pace so as not to be the fool. But then he has become my master, and without lifting a finger. Do the work at its own right pace. What he does is his affair.

27The flood took the field in the week before harvest. A year's labour is mud. Was the work wasted? The grain is lost. But I am a better farmer than I was last spring. The ditch I dug will serve next year. And my sons saw a person lose a year's work and go out the next morning to see what could be saved. Something was grown after all.

28I am not my trade. If the hands fail, or the trade dies, or they send me home, I am still a judging, choosing, caring thing, and there is always something for such a one to do. The mason who can no longer lift can still teach, or keep the tally, or sit with the sick. The Near Hand finds new work as long as it is alive.

29Ambition asks, "How high can I rise?" It is a poor question. It has no end, and others must be climbed over. Ask, "How much can I open?" That question also has no end, and the answer never comes off anyone else.

30Idleness is not rest. Rest refills the jar. Idleness lets it leak. I can tell which one I have had by how I feel when I stand up.

31Do not despise the one who works with his back, and do not despise the one who works with her head. The roof needs the one who reckons the load and the one who lifts the beam. Each of them can sneer at the other, and without either one the house is not built.

32I have been asked to do a thing I do not know how to do. Say so. Then learn, or find the one who knows. The worst workman is the one who would sooner spoil the job than admit he is new to it.

33Keep your word about time. "It will be done by the new moon" is a promise, and other people have stacked their plans on it. To be late is a small theft from each of them.

34A long task is best cut the way bread is cut: slices a person can actually eat. I do not write "build the barn" on the list for the day. I write "set the four corner posts."

35When the work goes well, there is an hour in which I forget myself entirely. The hands know, the tool runs, the thing takes shape, and nobody is there to be proud or afraid. This hour is a reward. I did not earn it by the work. It is the work, felt from inside. I would not trade it for any wage.

36Leave the workshop ready for tomorrow. Clear the bench, set out the next piece. It is a kindness to the tired person who will walk in at dawn, and that person is me.

37Some work shows: the tower, the song, the speech. Some never shows: the drain, the foundation, the nursing through the night. The second kind is most of what holds the world up. If mine is the second kind, I should not envy the first. A tower cannot stand without its drain.

38They gave my work to another, and she changed it. My first feeling is that she has spoiled it. Look again. Has she? Or has she only made it hers, as I made it mine from the one before? Work that cannot be changed by the next hand is dead work. Mine is alive, and so someone has altered it.

39One day I must hand the whole thing over. Do it early enough that I can still answer questions. Do it fully: do not hover. And do not measure those who come after by whether they do it my way. Measure them by whether the fire is still burning.

40Is this task worth doing at all? I should ask it more often. I can spend a year doing a useless thing very well. Skill is no excuse for it. First the Seeing: does this open anything, for anyone? Then the craft.

41A day's honest work, done as well as I could, for people I may never meet. I look for something more to want from the day and I do not find it.

42The thing I made will wear out. The wall will fall in a thousand years, the book will crumble, and the field will go back to forest. I do not think this makes the work vain. The bread I baked was eaten the same day. It was not vain; it was bread. A thing does not need to last for ever to have opened a way while it lasted. And the ways it opened led to others, which are still opening somewhere, far past where I can see.

43I thought I worked in order to rest. Then I thought I worked in order to be paid, and later to be known. Now, near the end, I see that I worked so that I could be of use. The rest, the pay and the name were only the weather it happened in.

44Somebody made this bench I sit at, and that person learned the trade from someone, who had it from another, and so on back to the one who first split a log with a stone. There is a long line of hands behind every tool, and it does not end with mine. When I work well, I am keeping faith with all of them, and with all who will come after.

45Tomorrow there will be more work. Good.